(1) Driving on icy roads. I am not the Most Confident Winter Driver In The World--and I live in the wrong state, I do know this (I'd like to move Outside, but finances prevent it at the moment). I do okay most of the time, but when it's dark and icy and some crazy fool is tailgating me, I freak out! I can, have, and will pull over in a parking lot somewhere until the tailgating freak has moved on. This makes me late for work sometimes, but who cares? I'M ALIVE!
(2) Gas prices. OMG OMG OMG gas is $4.42 at the cheap place in town. Holy hell. And I read in the news that economists are predicting that gas prices will be up to $4.50 to $5.00 this summer. What does that mean for Alaska? Higher than $4.50, you can bet on that. We're practically there already! So. Should I just get a horse and buggy right now, or wait until spring?
(3) Our electric bill this month is 2.5 times HIGHER than it was last March. Our electric usage is almost exactly the same in February 2012 as it was in February 2011. I'm extremely concerned about this. EXTREMELY CONCERNED. I'm not made of money, you see. (Broke, college student, etc.)
(4) Switching to a different eye doctor. I called my eye doctor's office last week to schedule an appointment for this month (hopefully during Spring Break because Joey needs to go, too). Their soonest opening was May 15. What?! Unacceptable. So now I'm on the hunt for an eye doctor who is (a) closer to my house/work and (b) accepts my insurance.
(5) Getting older. My birthday is today and I am 35. (Somehow that seems more grown up to me than 34. Ridiculous? Yes. Yes it is.) I had expected my life to be very different than it has turned out to be. This isn't exactly a bad thing, but it's still a little sad to think about the plans I had made that haven't been fulfilled.
(6) Children's behavior/grades. I spend enough time worrying about my own grades that you'd think I wouldn't have enough Worry Energy leftover to devote to worrying about someone else's grades. But no. There is plenty of Worry Energy to spare and I have been far, far too concerned about Max's grades and behavior. Has he shown any concern about either at all? No. That makes me worry even more! Gah!
(7) Our financial situation (in general). Our income barely covers our expenses. We have also reached the point that our expenses can't be lowered any more without giving up necessities (phone) or luxuries that help me maintain my sanity during this time of depression-made-worse-by-anxiety (satellite TV).
(8) The apocalypse (with and without zombies). I think this worry has more to do with my excessive reading of apocalypse novels (with and without zombies) than any real potential threat of pending apocalypse (with or without zombie). But I worry about it just the same.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
sometimes people talk too much
Yesterday was... a bad day.
Normally, I don't like to talk to people too much. I mean, I LIKE talking to people just fine as long as (1) I know the person pretty well and (2) we don't talk very long. Interacting with strangers or near-strangers for any length of time is really stressful for me. And yesterday was an Interact With Strangers Day. And it was stressful.
First, there was the guy I've known for years but who I'm not especially close to. He hung out in my office wanting to chat and get caught up on almost a year's worth of gossip. I felt awkward and uncomfortable. No, I don't want to tell you details of my personal life. If we were friends (Spoiler! We're not!), you would know that stuff already and I don't feel like repeating myself. So.
Then, there was The Guy On The Phone. He called four times in about 2.5 hours. Each call lasted about 20 minutes. His questions could easily have been answered if only he had VISITED THE COLLEGE WEBSITE. OMG.
Then I got a phone call from the owner of Melody's preschool. She was showing another kid her heinie in the bathroom. Again. First, EW. Second, NO, not appropriate.
Then, there was the professor who wanted to discuss accounting and its roots in theology. For 45 minutes.
And then it was time to go pick up kids and run errands with those kids.
So I did. I picked up Melody, who talked non-freaking-stop to me and whoever was around while we:
I used the landlord's drop box instead of actually going in the office because I didn't want to talk to anyone. So that was nice.
At the library, Melody had to at least whisper while we were inside, so that helped. But we hadn't been to the library since last week everyone wanted to listen to Melody tell them all about her big plans for her birthday, which is today.
At the middle school, we picked up Max who understandably had been having a rotten day. Nobody likes detention which is why it's used as a punishment. Duh. But he still went on to whine all the way to the elementary school. Thank God it's a small town, right? But at least while HE was talking, Melody had to be quiet.
At the elementary school, we only had about 10 minutes to wait for Jimmy's music lesson to be over, but he took an extra 10 minutes getting to the lobby from his music lesson. By that time, between Melody jabbering and Max whining, I was feeling edgy and tense and just wanting to go home and sit in my comfy chair with a bowl of popcorn and some NCIS re-runs, you know? So poor Jimmy didn't get a chance to tell me about his day because I just wasn't capable of listening just then.
I opted out of going to the local shoe store because the woman who works there talks too much and, obviously, I wasn't in the mood. So we went to the local one-stop-shopping store, instead. We didn't find shoes or a backpack under $50 (and that was the sale price!) so we didn't get either. I managed to get my tiny bit of groceries, but only barely.
And here's where it gets weird.
I was feeling tense and edgy and rushed and like there wasn't enough space around my physical body between me and everyone else. I almost broke down in tears several times at the store.
When I was walking through the aisles at the grocery store, I tensed up physically, like hunched my shoulders preparing to fight or flee whenever another customer entered the aisle I was in. When I moved to a new aisle, I only chose those aisles that had one person in them already. Or none at all, which was better. When I discovered my desired aisle had one or less people in it, I felt myself physically relax, shoulder muscles unclenched, straightened my posture, exhaled the breath I had been holding.
I was so stressed, so "done". I paid for my purchases and went home where I plopped in my chair with my cozy blanket and bowl of popcorn and watched NCIS re-runs until dinner.
And that was the best of all.
Normally, I don't like to talk to people too much. I mean, I LIKE talking to people just fine as long as (1) I know the person pretty well and (2) we don't talk very long. Interacting with strangers or near-strangers for any length of time is really stressful for me. And yesterday was an Interact With Strangers Day. And it was stressful.
First, there was the guy I've known for years but who I'm not especially close to. He hung out in my office wanting to chat and get caught up on almost a year's worth of gossip. I felt awkward and uncomfortable. No, I don't want to tell you details of my personal life. If we were friends (Spoiler! We're not!), you would know that stuff already and I don't feel like repeating myself. So.
Then, there was The Guy On The Phone. He called four times in about 2.5 hours. Each call lasted about 20 minutes. His questions could easily have been answered if only he had VISITED THE COLLEGE WEBSITE. OMG.
Then I got a phone call from the owner of Melody's preschool. She was showing another kid her heinie in the bathroom. Again. First, EW. Second, NO, not appropriate.
Then, there was the professor who wanted to discuss accounting and its roots in theology. For 45 minutes.
And then it was time to go pick up kids and run errands with those kids.
So I did. I picked up Melody, who talked non-freaking-stop to me and whoever was around while we:
- went to the bank
- went to the landlord's office to pay rent
- went to the library to drop off books and pick up new ones
- went to the middle school to pick up Max from detention (Detention!!! More on that some other day.)
- went to the elementary school to pick up Jimmy from his music lesson
- went to the store to purchase new gym shoes for Max and a new backpack for Jimmy and tiny bit of groceries
I used the landlord's drop box instead of actually going in the office because I didn't want to talk to anyone. So that was nice.
At the library, Melody had to at least whisper while we were inside, so that helped. But we hadn't been to the library since last week everyone wanted to listen to Melody tell them all about her big plans for her birthday, which is today.
At the middle school, we picked up Max who understandably had been having a rotten day. Nobody likes detention which is why it's used as a punishment. Duh. But he still went on to whine all the way to the elementary school. Thank God it's a small town, right? But at least while HE was talking, Melody had to be quiet.
At the elementary school, we only had about 10 minutes to wait for Jimmy's music lesson to be over, but he took an extra 10 minutes getting to the lobby from his music lesson. By that time, between Melody jabbering and Max whining, I was feeling edgy and tense and just wanting to go home and sit in my comfy chair with a bowl of popcorn and some NCIS re-runs, you know? So poor Jimmy didn't get a chance to tell me about his day because I just wasn't capable of listening just then.
I opted out of going to the local shoe store because the woman who works there talks too much and, obviously, I wasn't in the mood. So we went to the local one-stop-shopping store, instead. We didn't find shoes or a backpack under $50 (and that was the sale price!) so we didn't get either. I managed to get my tiny bit of groceries, but only barely.
And here's where it gets weird.
I was feeling tense and edgy and rushed and like there wasn't enough space around my physical body between me and everyone else. I almost broke down in tears several times at the store.
When I was walking through the aisles at the grocery store, I tensed up physically, like hunched my shoulders preparing to fight or flee whenever another customer entered the aisle I was in. When I moved to a new aisle, I only chose those aisles that had one person in them already. Or none at all, which was better. When I discovered my desired aisle had one or less people in it, I felt myself physically relax, shoulder muscles unclenched, straightened my posture, exhaled the breath I had been holding.
I was so stressed, so "done". I paid for my purchases and went home where I plopped in my chair with my cozy blanket and bowl of popcorn and watched NCIS re-runs until dinner.
And that was the best of all.
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